How to Improve Self-Regulation
What is Self-Regulation?
Self-regulation is the ability to observe, manage, and adapt emotions and behaviors in different situations. It involves key skills such as self-awareness, stress management, impulse control, emotional intelligence, and intentional decision-making. These skills allow you to respond to challenges in ways that align with your values rather than reacting impulsively.
There are three main types of self-regulation:
Cognitive: Observing and reshaping unhelpful thought patterns
Emotional: Managing emotions without letting them take control
Behavioral: Choosing intentional actions instead of reacting on impulse
By developing these skills, you can improve the ability to handle stress, navigate interpersonal relationships, and achieve long-term goals.
Self-Regulation vs. Self-Control
While self-regulation and self-control are related concepts, they serve different functions in managing behavior and emotions.
Self-Control involves the ability to suppress or inhibit immediate impulses and desires to achieve longer-term goals. It’s the capacity to resist temptations and refrain from actions that might be detrimental in the short term.
Self-Regulation is a broader process that encompasses not only the inhibition of impulses (self-control) but also the proactive management of one's thoughts, emotions, and behaviors to align with personal goals and societal expectations. It includes planning, goal setting, self-monitoring, and adapting strategies as needed.
In essence, self-control can be seen as a component of self-regulation. While self-control is about restraint in the face of temptation, self-regulation involves a more comprehensive approach to managing oneself, including the development of strategies to prevent undesirable situations and the cultivation of positive habits.
Understanding the distinction between these two concepts is crucial, as it highlights the importance of not only resisting negative impulses but also fostering positive behaviors and thought patterns through proactive self-management.
Self-Regulation Theory
Self-regulation theory (SRT) suggests that people can guide their thoughts, emotions, and behaviors to achieve desired outcomes. According to social psychologist Roy Baumeister, self-regulation consists of four key components:
Standards: Setting values-based goals and behaviors
Motivation: Having the desire to meet those standards
Monitoring: Observing thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that may cause setbacks
Willpower: Controlling impulses that interfere with long-term success
Just like building a muscle, self-regulation strengthens with practice, awareness, and intentional effort.
What Causes Poor Self-Regulation?
Difficulties with self-regulation can stem from various factors, including stress, mental health conditions, and a lack of self-awareness or emotional intelligence. When self-regulation is impaired, you may struggle with impulse control, emotional reactivity, or behaviors that don’t align with your values.
How to Improve Self-Regulation
Developing self-regulation requires consistent practice and self-reflection. The process starts with identifying personal values and setting clear behavioral standards. Once those standards are in place, you can build motivation, monitor own behaviors, and strengthen your ability to manage impulses.
Self-Regulation Techniques
Mindfulness: Practices like mindfulness-based cognitive therapy (MBCT) and mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR) help stay present and observe thoughts without judgment. This reduces emotional overreactions and promotes clarity in decision-making.
Cognitive Reframing: Also called cognitive reappraisal, this technique involves challenging and adjusting negative thought patterns. By shifting interpretations of stressful events, you can change your emotional responses and behavioral outcomes.
Self-Care: Prioritizing sleep, nutrition, exercise, and boundaries supports physical, mental, and emotional well-being, making self-regulation easier. A well-rested and healthy body enhances resilience and impulse control.
Stress Management: Identifying and addressing sources of stress helps prevent emotional overwhelm. Strategies include time management, relaxation techniques, and modifying stress-inducing situations when possible.
Self-Soothing: Engaging the senses—such as listening to calming music, using aromatherapy, or wrapping up in a soft blanket—can help regulate the body’s stress response and promote relaxation.
Deep Breathing: Also known as diaphragmatic breathing, deep breathing slows the heart rate and stabilizes blood pressure. This technique can help remain calm in high-pressure situations.
Self-Regulation at Work
Workplaces often present stressors that challenge self-regulation. Instead of simply enduring difficult situations, you can apply self-regulation techniques to improve your experience. For example, practicing mindfulness can help reduce pre-meeting anxiety, and cognitive reframing can shift perspectives on workplace challenges. Over time, these strategies make professional environments less stressful and more manageable.
Self-Regulation and Mental Health
Struggling with self-regulation is not a personal failure. Mental health conditions such as anxiety, depression, ADHD, and trauma can impact self-regulation abilities. Therapy and structured interventions can help build self-regulation skills tailored to specific needs.
Helpful Apps To Improve Self-Regulation
Here are some free apps (with optional paid features) that you can use:
How We Feel – 100% free, developed by researchers to help users label and understand emotions.
Insight Timer – Free guided meditations, breathing exercises, and mindfulness practices.
CBT Thought Diary – Free mood and thought tracker based on cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT).
MindShift CBT – A free app designed for anxiety management using CBT techniques.
By actively working on self-regulation, you can develop stronger emotional resilience, improve relationships, and achieve personal and professional goals with greater ease.
Resources
Elsner, B. (2023). Self-regulation as a resource for coping with developmental challenges: A meta-analysis. BMC Psychology.
Harvard Health Publishing. (2024). Relaxation techniques: Breath control helps quell errant stress response. Harvard Medical School. https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/relaxation-techniques-breath-control-helps-quell-errant-stress-response/
Vera-Martínez, M. M., et al. (2022). Effects of factors of self-regulation vs. factors of external regulation in learning: A meta-analysis. Frontiers in Psychology, 13, 968733.
